The answer is, "You do, Lola".

Kinky Boots

I was seduced by Chiwetel Ejiofor in this because for a long time he blinded me to how poor this film actually was. Why can’t the girlfriend/boyfriend/partner/spouse ever be supportive? How are we supposed to believe that this couple never talked to each other about major financial decisions? I’m not a writer but surely there is a better way of introducing tension than having our hero behave utterly abysmally towards the key to his and his factory’s success?

It started on a high with Simon dancing on the promenade and with two beautiful shots: the train whisking Charlie away and Lola’s red boots reflected in Charlie’s face as he lies on the pavement. The fact that this shot wasn’t repeated in the climax says it all.

The rest of the film was watchable but stupid. The final scenes in Milan were too contrived and the exuberance of the girls’ performance couldn’t quite overcome that. I thought Joe Edgerton looked like Albert Finney and Ejiofor was just absolutely fabulous.

Hellboy

I have a disappointing almost next to nothing to say about this – the “most underrated comic book adaptation” or, indeed the “best comic book adaptation” – which feels peculiar. It failed to engage me perhaps because the actors (with the exception of Ron Perlman and David Hyde Pierce’s voice) were bland and uninteresting and the story was, erm, the story was, sorry, I’ve forgotten it already. Finally, cgi fights are most of the time uninteresting: I watch the trailer for The Incredible Hulk and as the two cgi creations leap towards each other, I start snoring.

The Man Who Wasn't There

Around about three quarters through this film I realised that when it ended I was guaranteed to think sfw? I was right. Dull, dull, dull and having Scarlett Johansson offer Ed a blow job when she had shown no signs of sexual precociousness pissed me off no end. The Coen brothers peaked a long time ago.